Weddings, relationships and marriages - know the difference

I was at a meetup a couple of weeks ago with friends from a Facebook Group. I got chatting to one of the members who is planning on getting married this summer. We talked about a conversation that had taken place in the group between myself and a third member about the less romantic reasons to get married (or not): property rights and taxes.

You see people tend to mentally blend together weddings, marital relationships and the formal legal side of marriages. The truth is these are different and separate things and any given couple can have one, two or three of them in any combination.

I’m leaving out the religious aspect of weddings/marriages/relationships on purpose here. As a non-believer I am not qualified to discuss it and I don’t want to cause offence by misrepresenting people’s beliefs.

OK, that said, let’s talk about the three elements.

Weddings

A wedding is a ceremony and usually a party. It usually includes the necessary paperwork and promises to create a legally binding marriage as well, but it doesn’t have to do so. A wedding is usually a joyous celebration of love, with family and friends and, ideally, music, embarrassing speeches and far too much food.

Relationships

A relationship is about how two people get along. This includes many formal and informal ways in which you might make financial decisions together, but it isn’t fundamentally about money and property, it’s about how you are together. How do you communicate? How do you feel about each other? What do you do for each other? What part do you play in each others’ lives?

Marriages

Then there’s the legal marriage, the most neglected part of the equation. This is the part people often only start paying attention to if things go wrong and they start talking about divorce. I would strongly advise learning about this before you get married instead.

There’s a lot of dismissive talk about marriage being “just a piece of paper”. The deeds to a house are just a piece of paper too. So is an employment contract. So for that matter is a peace treaty or the constitution of a country. N.B. Common Law Marriage is not a real thing in the UK. It doesn’t matter how long you live with your partner, you aren’t married unless there’s a marriage certificate. Don’t be fooled.

Marriage has important but often hidden implications for your finances. I’m going to talk about just three examples from the UK (there are many). The effects are at least as profound elsewhere.

The Marriage Allowance

The Marriage Allowance means a non-working (or low income) spouse can transfer a proportion of their tax allowance to their higher income husband/wife.

Inheritance Tax

If you own substantial assets you want to leave to your partner, getting married protects them from potentially having to pay Inheritance Tax on those assets. Home owners take note.

Wills

Getting married instantly invalidates any will either of you had before you were married and if you don’t make a new one, the rules of intestacy apply and your spouse automatically gets the lions share (potentially everything) that you leave behind.

How unromantic!

I understand that some people will think this is a cold and impersonal take on marriage. It can be uncomfortable to take a peek beyond the white lace and petals into the cost-benefit calculations underneath. I am certainly not advocating taking a mercenary approach to intimate partnerships. (My own wedding was a joyous day and I am extremely smug and soppy about my wonderful husband.) I do however, advocate understanding what you’re getting into when you sign the register and say “I do.” We did, and you should too.